The guilt that comes along with an aging parent can be overwhelming… Am I helping enough? Are we doing the right thing? Will I be a bad person if I ask for help? What if I can’t afford to transition them into a facility? In the list below, you will see why you should not feel guilty about helping your loved one make tough choices.
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The truth is, you should not feel guilty and the fact that you care enough to ask yourself these questions mean that you love them and are doing everything in your power to help them.
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Caregiving is not for everyone. Most people who have aging parents work full time jobs, have children of their own and already have very little free time. To top it off you could be dealing with your own health issues or financial hardships. So trying to manage yours plus your parents can take a toll on your physical and mental health which isn’t good for anyone involved.
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It’s ok to ask for help. There are a variety of organizations that help you understand the complicated processes and options for senior care. They can help evaluate your options and point out ways for you to save money. They can also point out there are ways to transition slowly into the full time assisted living lifestyle. You could start out with home health and/or Adult Day Care.
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What are the benefits about Adult Day Care Centers and why should you not feel guilty for taking your parents there during the week?
- They will be around others their age and can make new friends which is important for their mental health.
- It allows you to keep your job and still spend time with them outside of work hours and keep them at home for a longer period of time.
- They get 3 well balanced meals a day. Which is important for their physical health.
- They are able to have nurses/staff help bathe and monitor meds.
- It allows you to have some breaks and not feel like all the pressure is on you, which then allows you to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with your parents.
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What if they need memory care?
This can be a very tough stage and can have a heavy mental impact on the caregiver and family members. Seniors with dementia can also be at risk for wandering or getting into dangerous situations. It is important to seek out help in these situations. There is no reason to feel guilty, this is a difficult situation and the best way to help them is by getting them in an environment where they can thrive and hopefully slow down the process if possible. It is important for them to be in a secure and safe environment, have special doctor’s on hand, and be engaged with memory enrichment activities regularly.
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If they don’t need a ton of assistance but I still am uncomfortable with them living alone, what are my options?
Assisted Living Facilities often have Levels of Care. This is a service that is added to the rent only when needed. So once your loved one is assessed by a doctor, they will be able to determine what level of care is best for them. It could be no assistance and up to help getting dressed and bathing. It all depends on the needs of your parents. After the initial transition period from living on their own to living in an assisted living most seniors thrive. They are making friends, socializing every day, are taking their medications on time, eating a well balanced meal 3 times a day, enjoying their hobbies and don’t have to worry about chores or any other burdens. All they need to do is relax, and enjoy themselves!
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Finances, where do I begin and what if I can’t afford to help?
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There are a variety of financial assistance options out there. There are Veterans Benefits, Long Term Care Insurance, and Medicaid. Speaking with a professional can help you see what your parents are eligible for and what facilities accept which aid. Here at Alba Court Residences, we accept all of the above. Not all facilities accept Medicaid, so if your parent does qualify for that make sure to find a facility like ours that will accept that insurance.
- Also, another thing to consider when evaluating finances is adding up all of the costs for your parents to live on their own. This includes the time and gas for you and other caregivers to drive and take care of them, groceries, utilities, mortgage, insurance, car payments and more. After you add all of those expenses up, you sometimes realize that the cost of the facility is not that far off from what their typical expenses were. Especially, after factoring in any financial aid you might receive.
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All in all, there is no need to feel guilty. You are doing everything you can and there is no shame in asking for help. It can be complicated and overwhelming but there are a wide variety of people to help. If you need help and are looking for some guidance on who to work with, reach out to our Director of Marketing and Admissions, Beverly Robinson at 386-847-3022, she has a ton of contacts in the industry and is a great asset to you and your family.